They say I've lost it. Maybe they're right. Everyone's got an opinion they say. Everyone's got the right to think whatever it is they like. So you know what, smooches - fuck you, the horse you rode in on, and your opinion. That's my opinion.
I am dreaming of happy Pandas. A whole field full of happy Pandas. I am beside myself. I am entirely myself. I am going to set myself on fire. Just you wait and see.
Steve loves the Shopping Cart guy from Uridium 5. You know, we never did get that right. I looked it up and it's not URIDIUM 5, it's URIDIUM 15. Steve says that he does not care, it makes him happy none the less. Just like the Pandas make me happy. We are all very happy eggs. Yes, indeed we are. Sometimes you've just got to say 'THE HELL WITH IT ALL!' and leave it at that. Sometimes you've got to remember to turn the stove off before you go to bed. It depends.
My father doesn't like it when I use profanity. Especially when it turns perfectly good sentences into perfectly disastrous sentences. For example:
example A) 'Good try.'
Maybe Dad's got a point there.
The other day I came to the conclusion that it would be best to gather up all of my things and burn them. I will be happier for it, you see. I have decided to become a nomad. I am not exactly sure why I have decided to become a nomad but the decision seems quite nomadic in itself. I am going to live in a tent in the bushes behind the Hasty Mart. That way people will talk about me and my urban legend will live on into the ages. I will dine on domesticated pets, weave sweaters from the golden locks of little girls, and fashion boots from the skin of drunken high school students whom I will trap as they stumble down the streets of my town in the middle of the night. I will be feared and hated by all. It will be great.
I have yet to burn my phone though. I have talked to almost everyone that I know today so that I might have fond recollections of my wonderful phone before I melt it. Wanna listen?
Dave King: Today Dave came to the conclusion that owning scented candles does not necessarily make you effeminate. He also left the house for the first time in eleven days.
Lenny: Hodgins called. So I told him never to call again.
Amanda's mother: Called just as I arrived. So I watched some television. I eventually fell asleep on the couch after about an hour. I woke up at 2am and drove home. And, when I got there, I called her place, waited for her to answer, and then hung up.
How's That Idiocy Coming By The Way?
I will destroy. You will obey. That's the way it has to be. You'll make the lemonade and I'll ensure that no other lemonade stand stands in our way. We will wear terrific Panda suits. We will have a secret hand shake. We'll stick to the plan. I will destroy. You will obey. That's the way it's going to have to be. Pouting about it won't change anything. Pouting about it will only make you look like an unhappy Panda and we can't be having that. So you should think before you speak. You should consider your options before you decide to become an unhappy Panda. Because you don't want to know what happens to Pandas that aren't happy. So you'd best be careful.
Don't worry though. This is just us talking. This is just us coming together at the head. Like Siamese twins, like two happy peas in a pod. You would not like it if we were to do the other routine. There are no happy Pandas to be had in that one. Not at all. No mention of Pandas whatsoever. Just unpleasantness that I would rather avoid. So keep smiling. Always remember to keep smiling. Whatever will be, will be. There is nothing more pathetic than a sore loser. So keep smiling. Everything will take care of itself. Thank goodness.
I'm tired now. I am going to go to bed. I don't much feel like being your friend anymore. The good old days are gone. Best to get on board with the depravity of the here and now. The world consumes, the world revolves, the world will someday come to and end. If not by us, then pulverized by the sun. The mysteries of the universe revealed with no time to study the data and reach an outcome, the sun will go out and all creatures great and small will be helpless against the unknowns of life. So why are you so worried? Why don't you go have some drinks, get laid, get back, get something. After everything has been done, been bought, sold, produced, consumed, recycled, re-packaged, and re-sold, you will have gained nothing by floundering about trying to change things that cannot be changed. The little things exist only so that the important ones never get touched upon. That's why you can wear leather shoes and, at the same time, refuse to eat beef. Because we are all, every one of us, ridiculous. And we've elected you our leader.
I am going to go lay in bed and wait for the hands of impossibility to come strangle me. I am going to smile at my ceiling and sing the song of our undoing. I will wear my Panda pajamas. I will think of you often when I get to where it is that I'm going. Everything will be fine. Just you wait and see. Just you wait and see.