November 1997

The world is a big place. Bigger than you think. Back in the old days you had to worry about dropping off the edge into outer space. I wonder if going to the moon would have been easier back then? There are a whole bunch of dead ancient types floating around up there. The guys in the shuttle wave sometimes. Columbus knew that the world was round. He stole the theory off of someone else. He also discovered some tiny islands in the Caribbean where the natives probably wish that he did sail off the edge of the earth. Unfortunately, he didn't and now they can't play major league baseball without sneaking out of their country illegally. The world's weird like that sometimes.

There are still a few people left in the world that think it's flat. Mostly they run around wearing bed sheets. They do this because they can only see what's directly in front of them. They can't look up or down or to the sides. Those two tiny holes are their only outlet into the outside world. They have trouble seeing things clearly. Mostly, their parents make then wear the sheets and they get used to them. I always liked those KISS costumes that you could buy at Woolco at Halloween. The last time I thought the world was flat I was on the Pirates of the Caribbean at Disney Land. But I heard they closed it down because it was offensive to women. There aren't very many natives in the scenes on that ride. I wonder why sometimes. Sometimes I think that's a good thing. If no one can find them then maybe they'll never know they're lost. It seems funny to me that most people think it's important that we let them know that they are. Maybe we are and they just don't want to find us. If God works in mysterious ways maybe someone should remind the people working for him that he does it for a reason.

I like Adventure Land the best. I like the Indiana Jones ride. I like it the best because waiting in line is almost better than the ride itself. Funny how that works. I waited in line to get on that ride for almost two hours once. The ride itself isn't even a minute long. It was kind of like a date. I didn't have enough money to get one of those cool muskets though. To be honest, they seemed a whole lot cooler when I was 9. Now they just seem like a waste of money. Funny how that works. Someone should tell the NRA that they've grown up. Maybe their muskets won't seem so cool anymore.

Even though Disney Land is the happiest place on earth they're are a lot of lost kids wandering around. When I went there in 1980 I got lost for almost an hour. I wasn't very happy. My mom dropped an entire tray of spaghetti dinners in a restaurant just off of Main Street USA. It scarred her for life. Come to think of it, Disney Land is kind of like a miniature version of the world that you have to pay to get into. You have to pay during your time there too. Unlike the real world, you don't have to pay to leave. Funny how that works. You just keep paying and coming back for more. If God does work in mysterious ways he must work at Disney Land I figure. There are a lot of lost kids wandering around with muskets. I wonder if he knows? I must confess that I did go to Disney Land last January for five days. It rained most of the time. All the lost kids got wet and their muskets wouldn't fire. I was dreaming there for a minute.

I also heard that they changed Snow White's dress. There are people at Disney Land that dress up like famous characters and walk around hugging the lost kids. Sometimes their muskets go off by accident. One guy even grabbed Snow White's breasts, so they changed her costume so her tits wouldn't stick out as much. I heard that she married the guy that grabbed her. They live in Fantasy Land now, next to Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. I guess now she grabs him back. Maybe they'll have some lost kids. Maybe they'll find them. Hey, Brare Rabbit says hi.


It's time to respond to some of your letters and e-mails. If you want to get a response to your e-mail or letter in the manifesto, please state that you do in your transmission or ink correspondence. We'll do our best to get back to you as soon as possible.

1. I recently heard that some people don't like what I have to say in the manifesto. They figure it should be cool, hip, up to date info about the band and how we're conquering the planet. What do we wear? how do we get our hair to say like that? You know, my dad's got a great saying for people like that. It goes as follows:
Fuck Off
Thanks Pop.

2. The gyoza is a Japanese dumpling that can be filled with a variety of different things. Vegetables, spicy pork, prawns, etc. etc. They can also either be pan fried or steamed. Try em, they're groovy. (Okay Bilton?)

3. On behalf of the guys and myself I have to apologize to everyone who has signed our mailing list and not received anything. I have recently discovered that nothing has ever been sent out, thus making the list almost pointless. I'll have to have a little talk with out illustrious think tank team about that one. If you'd like some revenge for this callous oversight please feel free to leave e-mail or write in and tell our think tank team just what you think of them.

4. Hey Fuckie, kiss my ass. The day Chelsea overtakes Arsenal in the standings is the day I bring you tea in bed, silker. Hey Barb, hit him in the head a couple of times for me, would you. (PS, hit Joel for me as well).

5. If anyone out there is looking for information about the band you might want to check out the newly revised Biography page. It's now chalked with lots of pointless, self serving information. You might also try the Polygram Canada Web Site to see if they have anything.

6. Johnson Sisters. I'll see what I can do. Stay tuned.

7. If anyone out there wants to start their own unofficial page (I'm not naming names) then go right ahead. As far as us supplying you, well you might try writing in to us by regular mail. The undisputed King of all unofficial web sites, Leonard, has been doing it faithfully for a year now. You should all check out his sight. If things have progressed there might be a link to it on our site. If there isn't, there should be soon. Try a web search for the address kiddies.

8. We'll be touring back east (Ontario, Quebec) in early December. I'm not to clear about the dates, so keep checking the touring area of the site. And, to answer another question, the rumors about us not touring anymore are not true.

9. If you'd really like to volunteer to help the band you might want to write into us by mail. If you're in the Vancouver area, like the person who wrote in and asked the question, we may have some use for you. Come to think of it, an entire legion of people throughout the world doesn't sound so bad either. Yes, yes, write in my little pretties, write in.

10. In reference to my fellow Coquitlamite that doesn't share my love of Root beer popsicles. I'm sorry we disagree. But you don't know what you're missing. The explanation of a GYOZA (people, they're called Gyoza) is located above.

11. Root beer popsicles are available at a wide variety of locations including Seven Eleven, Max, Hasty Mart, and Shell Gas Station stores. You can rarely find them in grocery store boxes because they're kind of a retro flavor.

12. I'm not sure what's wrong with the audio link service on the site. You will notice that once you go to download it you won't be able to get back to the site unless you reload the address. As for the actual download not working, I'll have to ask someone about that. It could just be the link server.

If I didn't answer your question in this manifesto look for it in the next one. We've gotten quite a few so It'll take me some time. We'll be on tour until the middle of December, so there won't be a new manifesto until then. Adios.